I kind of forgot about this blog. I found out I was expecting our fourth child back in April and threw my weight loss goals out the window. But with all the running around I did through my pregnancy (three kids, teaching full time) I gained less than 20 pounds, and by the time my baby was two weeks old, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Ahem. That is still 30-40 pounds more than I'd like to be.
I'm joining a friend next week in trying out the 17 day diet, to kick-start the usual attempt to lose some of my hibernation weight, after a long winter indoors. Yes, diets are for suckers, as I've stated before. But right now, eating whatever falls into my line of vision isn't doing me any favours and the chaos in my life (as a mother of four) demands structure and order. I've read that the generous portions and plentiful protein and vegetables in the 17 day diet lends itself well to breastfeeding mothers.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Diets Are For Suckers
I know what doesn't work for me. As Sarah Kramer says, "Diets are for suckers"...I laughed when I read that because it's kind of true. We've all done them, we've all lost a bit of weight, we've all been determined to keep it off. And unless I'm mistaken, we've all gained some (or all) of it back.
When I made the shift out of thinking that I had to deprive myself of the things I love, of feeling that I had to do aggressive-sounding workouts like "Shreds" or ruin my knees with running, of feeling despair and disgust with myself for my lack of willpower, EVERYTHING shifted.
Be gentle with yourself.
That simple resolultion has fallen into play as I take steps towards a better, healthier life.
So. Here's how my day plays out:
I wake up, and put on the kettle. I drink a glass of warm water with a 1/4 lemon squeezed into it. I sit at the kitchen table and read the day's Simple Abundance reflection. It usually gives me something to think about, to start off my writing. I write three pages in my journal (sometimes more), and then make a cup of green tea (this is the best brand I've tried).
I wait till I'm hungry, then eat either a bowl of Greek-style yogurt with a drizzle of local honey or maple syrup with and a few walnuts or whole almonds OR an egg scrambled with sauted veggies (onions, peppers, celery, mushrooms). I usually do one whole egg whisked with one egg white to fill me up a bit more. I put a dash of Frank's Buffalo Wing Style Hot Sauce on the side.
For lunch, I've been faithfully eating a big green salad with either a chicken breast, a chopped boiled egg, or s a toss of chickpeas. A drizzle of dressing...just enough to make it yummy.
Through the day, when I'm hungry, I drink a glass of water (so I'm drinking lots of water), and eat anything that grows on a plant: apples, carrots, almonds, walnuts.
For dinner, I eat whatever I've made for the family. I don't take seconds. I serve my own dinner on a smaller plate than usual, and load up the veggies.
Here's what I'm NOT doing:
*measuring food portions
*counting points or calories
*exercising beyond the usual housework-type movement. I do gym with my kindergarten class two-three times a week
*berating myself if I have a treat now and then (glass of wine, anyone?)
I'm trying to get more sleep. When I lie down in bed, I do a relaxation breath: inhale for three, hold for one, exhale for six...I do this about three times before I pass out.
I'm becoming more aware of my breath, and pausing through the day to breathe deeply. I'm more aware of when I feel stress, or irritation, or fatigue, and rather than berating myself or someone else for causing it, I try to do something about it: stretch, breathe, nap.
Hey. Guess what? Diets ARE for suckers. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings if you're on a diet. But are you enjoying it? Or are you dreading each day? Do you cringe as you shovel another forkful of gross food into your mouth?
Eating whole foods in moderate amounts, listening to your heart and body, making a choice to be gentle with your body by NOT eating gluten, caffeine, sugar, or dairy (unless in very small amounts) seems to be the only way left to go.
Oh, and guess what else?
I've lost four pounds in a week.
This being gentle with myself thing seems to be working so far.
When I made the shift out of thinking that I had to deprive myself of the things I love, of feeling that I had to do aggressive-sounding workouts like "Shreds" or ruin my knees with running, of feeling despair and disgust with myself for my lack of willpower, EVERYTHING shifted.
Be gentle with yourself.
That simple resolultion has fallen into play as I take steps towards a better, healthier life.
So. Here's how my day plays out:
I wake up, and put on the kettle. I drink a glass of warm water with a 1/4 lemon squeezed into it. I sit at the kitchen table and read the day's Simple Abundance reflection. It usually gives me something to think about, to start off my writing. I write three pages in my journal (sometimes more), and then make a cup of green tea (this is the best brand I've tried).
I wait till I'm hungry, then eat either a bowl of Greek-style yogurt with a drizzle of local honey or maple syrup with and a few walnuts or whole almonds OR an egg scrambled with sauted veggies (onions, peppers, celery, mushrooms). I usually do one whole egg whisked with one egg white to fill me up a bit more. I put a dash of Frank's Buffalo Wing Style Hot Sauce on the side.
For lunch, I've been faithfully eating a big green salad with either a chicken breast, a chopped boiled egg, or s a toss of chickpeas. A drizzle of dressing...just enough to make it yummy.
Through the day, when I'm hungry, I drink a glass of water (so I'm drinking lots of water), and eat anything that grows on a plant: apples, carrots, almonds, walnuts.
For dinner, I eat whatever I've made for the family. I don't take seconds. I serve my own dinner on a smaller plate than usual, and load up the veggies.
Here's what I'm NOT doing:
*measuring food portions
*counting points or calories
*exercising beyond the usual housework-type movement. I do gym with my kindergarten class two-three times a week
*berating myself if I have a treat now and then (glass of wine, anyone?)
I'm trying to get more sleep. When I lie down in bed, I do a relaxation breath: inhale for three, hold for one, exhale for six...I do this about three times before I pass out.
I'm becoming more aware of my breath, and pausing through the day to breathe deeply. I'm more aware of when I feel stress, or irritation, or fatigue, and rather than berating myself or someone else for causing it, I try to do something about it: stretch, breathe, nap.
Hey. Guess what? Diets ARE for suckers. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings if you're on a diet. But are you enjoying it? Or are you dreading each day? Do you cringe as you shovel another forkful of gross food into your mouth?
Eating whole foods in moderate amounts, listening to your heart and body, making a choice to be gentle with your body by NOT eating gluten, caffeine, sugar, or dairy (unless in very small amounts) seems to be the only way left to go.
Oh, and guess what else?
I've lost four pounds in a week.
This being gentle with myself thing seems to be working so far.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
New Beginnings
A new year, a new beginning. A year ago, I decided that 2011 would be the year. A year to declutter, lose weight, and get a handle on our finances.
I must admit that the only progress I’ve made is in the decluttering department. I am now in the habit of asking myself, “Is it beautiful? Is it useful?” about items in my house; slowly, I am letting go of things I no longer love or need, and there is a steady flow of boxes leaving the house.
As for the others…well.
I’d rather not dwell on that. I had a sense of failure as I reflected on the optimism and hope I felt last January.
Then I decided that this new year would be different.
I don’t mean that I’ll try harder, punish myself more, fasten our belts even more tightly, and put more pressure on myself.
This year’s goal is this:
Be gentle with yourself.
I have some specific ideas on how I’m going to set about doing this:
Say yes only to those things I TRULY want to do.
Knit for myself, without deadlines.
Sleep more.
Eat consciously.
Take care of my body.
Without disregarding how good my life is, I have a vision for what I want it to look like in the year(s) to come: I’m more peaceful in myself. I criticise myself less, and treat myself as gently as I do my children. I lose the knot of anxiety that lives in my solar plexus; I breathe deeply and consciously. I let go. I laugh more, and focus on optimism even when I feel overwhelmed with worry.
So.
I’m letting go of control. I want to see where this takes me.
What are your hopes for the New Year and beyond?
I must admit that the only progress I’ve made is in the decluttering department. I am now in the habit of asking myself, “Is it beautiful? Is it useful?” about items in my house; slowly, I am letting go of things I no longer love or need, and there is a steady flow of boxes leaving the house.
As for the others…well.
I’d rather not dwell on that. I had a sense of failure as I reflected on the optimism and hope I felt last January.
Then I decided that this new year would be different.
I don’t mean that I’ll try harder, punish myself more, fasten our belts even more tightly, and put more pressure on myself.
This year’s goal is this:
Be gentle with yourself.
I have some specific ideas on how I’m going to set about doing this:
Say yes only to those things I TRULY want to do.
Knit for myself, without deadlines.
Sleep more.
Eat consciously.
Take care of my body.
Without disregarding how good my life is, I have a vision for what I want it to look like in the year(s) to come: I’m more peaceful in myself. I criticise myself less, and treat myself as gently as I do my children. I lose the knot of anxiety that lives in my solar plexus; I breathe deeply and consciously. I let go. I laugh more, and focus on optimism even when I feel overwhelmed with worry.
So.
I’m letting go of control. I want to see where this takes me.
What are your hopes for the New Year and beyond?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Archaeology 101
I've been avoiding this space.
I've gotten quite good at avoidance. I'm especially good at avoiding thoughts about why I'm here, 7 months after starting this space, and no further ahead than I was on January 1 when I decided that enough was enough...that THIS was the year I'd get a handle on my weight, the clutter in my home, and my finances.
Turns out that overzealous purges of closets and dressers creates a void. And you know what they say about nature...it hates a void. So, as bags have gone out, I've picked up this and that at yard sales and clothing swaps. Things I don't need.
I've started and quit exercising and eating well. I've gone through Jillian Michaels, a bellydancing class, a running program, Weight Watchers, and so on...only to quit after a week or two.
As for money, I've made some headway there...nothing to get excited about, but hey...let's give credit where credit is due (no pun intended).
So I got to thinking about the word VOID. My mind started to sniff around the edges of my consciousness, wondering what void I'm trying to fill. And then I got a knot of anxiety right around my solar plexus. And my mind said, "Aha..."
I don't know what the void is. I just know it's something I've been trying to fill for what feels like forever. I fill it with stuff, with food, with chronic busyness, with spending...I never let my mind rest. I read till I fall asleep, I blog as soon as I wake up, I watch movies and knit and sweep my floor, never resting, never letting quiet settle into my brain so that I might have a chance of excavating what the problem is. I complain about how busy I am, but fill my life up with constant activity in avoidance of letting my mind just be.
I'm beginning to realise something about that time 10 years ago when I'd lost weight and gotten fit and healthy. I always thought that that was one of the happiest times in my life because I was thin/fit. I met my husband at that time. I was active and conscious of my health and my body and what was going on with it.
I attributed all this happiness to being thin.
What I'm realising now is that I was thin because I was happy.
I wasn't trying to fill any void, because it was a time in my life when I lived alone, took time to eat consciously and exercise daily, was meditating and sleeping long hours at night. I would sit out on my front step at night and write in my journal, or just look at the stars. Stress was minimal, and I was my own best friend. I championed my right to good rest, healthy habits, and spiritual quiet.
I don't do those things anymore. I have been blaming my weight gain (almost 40 pounds) on so many things: I had three kids in four years. I don't have TIME to exercise. I don't have ENERGY to exercise. I HATE cooking.
Well, it's time to fess up, stop avoiding the truth, and look down into that void.
I imagine it will be like an archaeological dig...I'm going to have to get right into the hole, and carefully excavate each precious fragment one by one, brush it off gently, examine it, wonder about it, then label and bag it. I can return to each piece for further study.
But my hope is that, once I've examined these shards of who I was, and who I am, I can let go of my emotional connection to them, donate them to a museum, and move on to being who I am becoming. If I ever do visit them again, it will be as an observer, and they will hold no more power over me.
I'm anxious. I am scared. But more than anything, I'm weary of this fight I've had for years, with something I cannot see or name.
I've gotten quite good at avoidance. I'm especially good at avoiding thoughts about why I'm here, 7 months after starting this space, and no further ahead than I was on January 1 when I decided that enough was enough...that THIS was the year I'd get a handle on my weight, the clutter in my home, and my finances.
Turns out that overzealous purges of closets and dressers creates a void. And you know what they say about nature...it hates a void. So, as bags have gone out, I've picked up this and that at yard sales and clothing swaps. Things I don't need.
I've started and quit exercising and eating well. I've gone through Jillian Michaels, a bellydancing class, a running program, Weight Watchers, and so on...only to quit after a week or two.
As for money, I've made some headway there...nothing to get excited about, but hey...let's give credit where credit is due (no pun intended).
So I got to thinking about the word VOID. My mind started to sniff around the edges of my consciousness, wondering what void I'm trying to fill. And then I got a knot of anxiety right around my solar plexus. And my mind said, "Aha..."
I don't know what the void is. I just know it's something I've been trying to fill for what feels like forever. I fill it with stuff, with food, with chronic busyness, with spending...I never let my mind rest. I read till I fall asleep, I blog as soon as I wake up, I watch movies and knit and sweep my floor, never resting, never letting quiet settle into my brain so that I might have a chance of excavating what the problem is. I complain about how busy I am, but fill my life up with constant activity in avoidance of letting my mind just be.
I'm beginning to realise something about that time 10 years ago when I'd lost weight and gotten fit and healthy. I always thought that that was one of the happiest times in my life because I was thin/fit. I met my husband at that time. I was active and conscious of my health and my body and what was going on with it.
I attributed all this happiness to being thin.
What I'm realising now is that I was thin because I was happy.
I wasn't trying to fill any void, because it was a time in my life when I lived alone, took time to eat consciously and exercise daily, was meditating and sleeping long hours at night. I would sit out on my front step at night and write in my journal, or just look at the stars. Stress was minimal, and I was my own best friend. I championed my right to good rest, healthy habits, and spiritual quiet.
I don't do those things anymore. I have been blaming my weight gain (almost 40 pounds) on so many things: I had three kids in four years. I don't have TIME to exercise. I don't have ENERGY to exercise. I HATE cooking.
Well, it's time to fess up, stop avoiding the truth, and look down into that void.
I imagine it will be like an archaeological dig...I'm going to have to get right into the hole, and carefully excavate each precious fragment one by one, brush it off gently, examine it, wonder about it, then label and bag it. I can return to each piece for further study.
But my hope is that, once I've examined these shards of who I was, and who I am, I can let go of my emotional connection to them, donate them to a museum, and move on to being who I am becoming. If I ever do visit them again, it will be as an observer, and they will hold no more power over me.
I'm anxious. I am scared. But more than anything, I'm weary of this fight I've had for years, with something I cannot see or name.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
The Room of Dreadfuls
I've always been messy. I've always held on to things like letters, photographs, craft supplies, seasonal decorations, and anything I might potentially "need". In every house I've lived in as an adult, I have what I affectionately call a "room of dreadfuls", where I "store" all my stuff. It generally gets more out of hand each time we have a baby, as time is at a premium, and exhaustion is at a maximum. We end up just chucking stuff back there, vowing to sort it "later".
Before...
...and after!
Last night I came home with a fire under my butt. Our school will host a yard sale as a fundraiser this coming weekend, and I decided that I would likely find something to contribute...my mother is a chief sorter/cleaner, so when I told her of my plan, she had to stay to help me. This looks bad, doesn't it? And it is. Halloween decorations thrown in willynilly, stray mittens and boots, Christmas wrapping paper, and enough mouse poop to warrant a call to the exterminator. It was a long, dirty job.
I experienced a lot of emotions through the process. Shame, mostly, at how far this room had gone in the direction of complete dreadfulness. Boxes of old VHS videos with movies taped from television (a "gift" from my aunt); old broken toys; reel-to-reel recordings and an old broken recorder (another "gift"); a deep fryer that has never been taken from its box; broken appliances, empty paint cans, clothes that don't fit my children anymore...and on, and on, and on.
Before...
...and after!
I'm having a bit of anxiety showing these pictures because I think that some of you must be thinking "hoarder"! But I think there may be many more of you who recognise this mess, and likely have a corner, room, barn, garage, or whole house of dreadfuls. Stuff just piles up, doesn't it? You have to be vigilant about it, or it moves in and stays put.
I've learned to say no to old stuff that doesn't work. I know I'm not going to repaint that old chair, fix that lamp, or rebuild that instrument any time soon. I know that I have enough yarn and fabric to make years' worth of projects.
I don't even have an emotional connection to these things. It's just stuff that I haven't had time to clear out. But the time is now. Mom would hold up an item: "Keep, sell, or chuck"...I'd take a deep breath, and feel a thrill of energy each time I said, "Chuck!" You can almost get drunk on the high of clearing out a space in your house, a corner that might be better used for creating than...dare I say it...hoarding.
Chuck!
Sell!
Mom and I worked until 11 pm. We got rid of five garbage bags of crap, and filled 4 boxes, 2 garbage bags, and a big Rubbermaid bin of stuff for the yard sale. I'm washing all the too-small stuff, and have bags set aside for friends with children the right ages. This beautiful room, with its mustard yellow floors, deep red ceilings, wide-board walls, and sweet little closet with a brick chimney above is slowly being reclaimed. My spirit is lifting as I imagine a cozy corner set up for rainy day reading sessions, or a bistro table for morning coffee. Perhaps a summer playroom for my kids? The room isn't winterized, so it will only be used from Spring till Fall. But now it's getting closer to a place where it can be used.
Tell me about your box or room of dreadfuls, and what you would use the space for if you cleared it out.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
On My Way
Alright...I signed on to http://www.weightwatchers.ca/ this week. And I've lost 3.6 pounds! Yes! I LOVE the new tracking system...very quick and easy. This is a healthy and reasonable way to lose weight, allowing you some freedom in what you eat. And I'm not starving. That's the important thing. My clothes already feel a bit looser, which might just be my imagination, but who cares?
How is your week going? Are your wheels spinning, or completely stopped? Or are you, like me, on your way to somewhere healthier?
How is your week going? Are your wheels spinning, or completely stopped? Or are you, like me, on your way to somewhere healthier?
Friday, April 29, 2011
Momma Clothes Purge
On the same day that I worked on my kids' clothes, I pulled out the bins of my summer stuff. I opened the bins and a dark cloud of despair and frustration settled over me. It was almost instantaneous, this weather system of clothes-of-summers-past: spaghetti straps, cotton fabric faded by the sun, size 18 linen pants with wide legs and a drawstring waist. Good old drawstrings! I had all my babies in Spring, and those linen pants got me through many a hot summer when I just couldn't bare my dimpled knees to the world in shorts. Baggy dresses intended to hide my weight. Then there were the summer clothes I haven't worn in years, my "wish clothes" (as in, I wish I could fit into these again)...
I picked up and fondled my old favourites:
*the soft, well-worn denim dress I bought in Belfast 16 years ago; I wore it so much it is patched in the ass. I've kept it with me like a beloved stuffed toy...a reminder of my life when I had a shaved head and wandered anonymously through a foreign city, recreating myself into who I felt I really was then.
*the red linen dress my mother made for me when I lost 20 pounds in my mid-twenties; I wore it to garden parties and weddings, in that blessed summer when I could go without a bra
*my bikini from that same summer...the first and only one I've bought and worn as an adult. I'd worked hard to look as good as I did that summer, and flaunted it!
So.
I had to admit to the fact that all this sentimental clothing was actually dragging me down, making me sad, drawing me away from what is, and pulling my attention to times that are gone. I've held on to the size 10s with the hope and wish that they might one day fit me again. I've held on to to the size 18s in case I need them someday.
So the next thought into my mind was: THAT'S IT! I'm NOT doing this again.
Before I could change my mind, I bagged them. All of them...some lucky gal with an eye for quirky and handmade clothes, who also happens to be a size 10 will find them in a thrift store someday and be thrilled with her find.
And me? Will I hide indoors all summer, or just go naked? No to both. I started counting points (again) and am strictly following Weight Watchers. After 3 days, I've lost 2 pounds! I have 7 weeks till my brother's wedding and have a goal of dropping between 10 and 15 pounds by that time.
Sometimes it takes a moment like facing another summer in dreaded clothes to give you a kick in the ass. My ass got kicked and now I'm moving it!
I picked up and fondled my old favourites:
*the soft, well-worn denim dress I bought in Belfast 16 years ago; I wore it so much it is patched in the ass. I've kept it with me like a beloved stuffed toy...a reminder of my life when I had a shaved head and wandered anonymously through a foreign city, recreating myself into who I felt I really was then.
*the red linen dress my mother made for me when I lost 20 pounds in my mid-twenties; I wore it to garden parties and weddings, in that blessed summer when I could go without a bra
*my bikini from that same summer...the first and only one I've bought and worn as an adult. I'd worked hard to look as good as I did that summer, and flaunted it!
So.
I had to admit to the fact that all this sentimental clothing was actually dragging me down, making me sad, drawing me away from what is, and pulling my attention to times that are gone. I've held on to the size 10s with the hope and wish that they might one day fit me again. I've held on to to the size 18s in case I need them someday.
So the next thought into my mind was: THAT'S IT! I'm NOT doing this again.
Before I could change my mind, I bagged them. All of them...some lucky gal with an eye for quirky and handmade clothes, who also happens to be a size 10 will find them in a thrift store someday and be thrilled with her find.
And me? Will I hide indoors all summer, or just go naked? No to both. I started counting points (again) and am strictly following Weight Watchers. After 3 days, I've lost 2 pounds! I have 7 weeks till my brother's wedding and have a goal of dropping between 10 and 15 pounds by that time.
Sometimes it takes a moment like facing another summer in dreaded clothes to give you a kick in the ass. My ass got kicked and now I'm moving it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)